7 Causes for Conflict in Marriage and How to Resolve Them

Marriage is a journey with its ups and downs. Conflicts are inevitable, but understanding and resolving them can strengthen the bond between partners. Here, we explore seven common causes of marital discord and offer practical solutions to navigate through them.

Conflict in marriage isn't a sign of failure but rather an opportunity for growth and deeper understanding. When two people with different upbringings, personalities, and expectations unite, disagreements are bound to happen. The key to a successful marriage is not the absence of conflict but the ability to handle it constructively. “A strong marriage requires two people who choose to love each other even on those days when they struggle to like each other.” Let's dive into the common issues that cause conflicts in marriage and how you can address them effectively.

Common Conflicts in Marriage – Take the Bull by Its Horns

Marital conflicts often stem from a variety of sources that many couples experience. Tackling these issues head-on, much like taking the bull by its horns, can lead to meaningful resolutions. Common areas of conflict include communication problems, financial disagreements, differences in parenting styles, and mismatched expectations. Understanding that these issues are normal and addressing them proactively can help couples navigate through the challenges. It's important to remember that conflict, when managed well, can lead to growth and a stronger bond between partners. By acknowledging these common conflicts and committing to work through them, couples can build a healthier and more resilient relationship. “Conflict is inevitable, but combat is optional.” - Max Lucado

Unmet Expectations – Unreasonable Expectations

Unmet expectations are a significant source of marital discord. We all enter marriage with certain hopes and dreams, but when these expectations are unrealistic or not communicated clearly, disappointment follows. This often leads to feelings of frustration and resentment. “Expectation is the root of all heartache,” said William Shakespeare. Managing expectations through open, honest communication is crucial. Couples should discuss their hopes and desires from the outset and continually revisit these conversations. Understanding that your partner cannot fulfill every need or desire is important. Finding a middle ground where both partners feel heard and valued can prevent many conflicts and foster a more harmonious relationship.

Conflicting Standpoints on the Subject of Children

Decisions about having children can be a significant source of conflict in a marriage. Whether it’s about the number of children, the timing, or even differing parenting styles, these differences can create substantial rifts. It’s crucial for couples to discuss their views on children early in the relationship and to revisit these conversations regularly. Flexibility and compromise are key; sometimes, it’s about finding a solution that works for both partners, even if it’s not exactly what each originally envisioned. If conflicts arise, consider counseling to help mediate and find common ground. “Children are the living messages we send to a time we will not see.” - John F. Kennedy

Inability to Manage Marriage Finances

Money is a notorious stressor in marriages. Different spending habits, saving strategies, and financial goals can all lead to friction. Financial stress can exacerbate other issues, making it a central point of conflict. Transparency and teamwork are vital when it comes to managing finances in a marriage. Establish a budget together and decide on financial goals as a unit. Regular financial check-ins can help keep both partners on track and reduce misunderstandings. If necessary, seek the advice of a financial planner. The goal is to create a financial strategy that supports both partners' needs and aspirations, reducing stress and fostering a healthier, more stable relationship. “A good marriage is one which allows for change and growth in the individuals and in the way they express their love.” - Pearl S. Buck

Allocation of Time to Marriage and Personal Pursuits

Balancing personal interests and couple time is a common issue in marriages. One partner might feel neglected if the other spends too much time on hobbies or work, leading to feelings of resentment and isolation. Prioritizing your relationship while maintaining individuality is key. Scheduling regular date nights and activities you both enjoy can help strengthen your bond. At the same time, respect each other’s need for personal space and hobbies. Finding a balance where both partners feel valued and fulfilled can prevent feelings of neglect and build a stronger connection. “The best thing to hold onto in life is each other.” - Audrey Hepburn

Lack of Sexual Compatibility

Sexual compatibility is crucial for a healthy marriage. Differences in libido, sexual preferences, and intimacy needs can cause significant tension if not addressed openly. “Sexuality is one of the ways that we become enlightened, actually, because it leads us to self-knowledge,” said Alice Walker. Communication is the cornerstone of resolving sexual incompatibility. Couples should discuss their desires, boundaries, and any concerns openly and without judgment. Consulting a sex therapist can be helpful if these discussions are challenging. Remember, intimacy isn’t just about sex; it’s about emotional connection and understanding each other’s needs and desires. Addressing sexual issues with empathy and openness can enhance the overall intimacy in the relationship. “Intimacy is not purely physical. It is the act of connecting with someone so deeply, you feel like you can see into their soul.”

Breakdown in Communication

Effective communication is the foundation of a strong marriage. When communication breaks down, misunderstandings and conflicts arise, leading to feelings of frustration, anger, and isolation. Practicing active listening and ensuring both partners feel heard and understood is essential. Avoid interrupting or dismissing your partner’s feelings. Using “I” statements to express how you feel without blaming your partner can help maintain a constructive dialogue. If communication issues persist, couples therapy can provide tools and techniques to improve your interactions. Strengthening your communication skills can lead to a deeper understanding and a more harmonious relationship, where both partners feel connected and supported. “Communication to a relationship is like oxygen to life. Without it, it dies.” - Tony Gaskins

Mismatched Dynamics and Imbalanced Powerplay in Personalities

Different personalities and power dynamics can lead to conflict in a marriage. Whether it's a matter of one partner being more dominant or differences in how problems are approached, these disparities can cause friction. Recognizing and respecting each other’s strengths and weaknesses is crucial. Strive for a balance where both partners feel empowered and valued. This might mean stepping back sometimes and letting your partner take the lead or stepping up when they need support. Mutual respect and understanding are key in navigating these dynamics. Finding a balance in the power dynamics can lead to a more equitable and harmonious relationship. “True love is about growing as a couple, learning about each other, and never giving up on each other.”

Other Types of Marital Conflict

While the above issues are common, other conflicts can also arise in a marriage. These might include differences in cultural or religious beliefs, extended family dynamics, or lifestyle choices. Respecting each other’s backgrounds and beliefs and finding ways to integrate them into your life together is crucial. Just like with other conflicts, communication and compromise are key. Seek external help, such as counseling, when needed to navigate particularly challenging issues. Addressing these conflicts with empathy and openness can lead to a deeper understanding and a stronger bond between partners, creating a more harmonious and resilient relationship. “A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.” - Dave Meurer

Conflicted Marriage Doesn’t Need to Be Your Reality

Experiencing conflict in marriage is normal, but it doesn’t have to define your relationship. With effort, understanding, and a willingness to work together, couples can overcome these challenges. “The greatest marriages are built on teamwork. A mutual respect, a healthy dose of admiration, and a never-ending portion of love and grace.” Remember, it’s about the journey, not the destination. Every conflict resolved strengthens your bond and brings you closer together. Embracing the process of resolving conflicts can lead to a more fulfilling and harmonious marriage, where both partners feel supported and valued. “In every marriage, more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage.” - Robert Anderson

Continue the Pursuit of Keeping Your Marriage Happy

Maintaining a happy marriage requires ongoing effort. It’s not a one-time fix but a continuous pursuit. Keep communication lines open, respect each other’s individuality, and make time for each other. Celebrate the small victories and learn from the conflicts. “A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.” Your marriage is a partnership, and together, you can build a relationship that withstands the test of time. By prioritizing your relationship and working through conflicts together, you can create a strong, loving, and enduring marriage that brings joy and fulfillment to both partners. Here’s to a happy, harmonious marriage! “Marriage is not about age; it’s about finding the right person.” - Sophia Bush